Posted on December 31, 2020
Man, 2020 has been the best year in general for everyone! We saw the release of the excellent Ocarina of Time for the Nintendo 64, Half Life for the PC (can’t wait for the inevtiable third game in this massive franchise!) and, of course, Turok 2 on the N64! It has been an amazing year for movies as well- did you see Titanic? Poor Lenardo De Carpio…..and Seinfeld ended! What’s up with that? They all went to jail? Really, Larry David?
I just received word. I was talking about 1998 for some reason, not 2020….. Well 2020 was a good year, right? Right? Why are you asking me to look out the window? Oh….oh.
Yeah, this year sucked. I don’t think I had to tell you that, but thought you should know. Not only did the world over get ravaged a virus, but we had riots over cops doing a bad job, and had so many celebrities doing a bad job (especially when it came to covering John Lennon. UGH) and me….I did a bad job with my historic seven posts (not counting this one) this year. But most importantly, Taco Bell did a bad job. Why is the Quesorito app only? WHY IS THE F–KING QUESORITO APP ONLY!? AHHHHHHHHHH!
But I digress (I think). It’s time to look back at my predictions for this year, and see what I got right…and what I got wrong. Oh, who am I kidding, I predict everything correctly! Now where did I put those shares for Enron….
THINGS I GOT WRONG
A clock is right at least four times a day. That’s how the saying goes, right? Well, anyway, here are the things I got wrong-
Anthem, dead in the water– I was half right. I said EA/Bioware would release a huge patch or content update. They did not. However, I was right to say that no one would care and that it would be a disaster from day one….but then again, everyone else predicted that too, so whatever.
No Mario movie teaser trailer– Yeah, movies are dead. Pretty much every single movie was halted in some way because of some virus that made people puke out their internal organs…or attacked the lungs. Forgot which. Along with this was no teaser trailer for Illumination Studios (the makers of the Minions, those yellow things your kid won’t shut up about) and thus no backlash.
AGDQ and SGDQ 2020 commence anyway– Hell, they even did several speedrun events during the outbreak….AND they social distanced and what not. Good show, old bean!
Stadia still lives– Don’t know why. Don’t know how….but Google’s service that just doesn’t work on anything less then super internet (aka internet that doesn’t exist yet) still walks the earth. Don’t worry….there’s always next year!
I predicted Ghosts of Sushi Mom to be “okay”– Turns out everyone liked it. Got beat by Last of Us II aka “Shoehorned diversity hire kills beloved character for shock value: The Game: The Movie”. I also said DBZ: Kakarot would be bad. It was actually okay. Psychonauts 2 didn’t even come out this year.
I predicted Cyberpunk 2077 as game of the Year– I mean, if you bought the PC version maybe. But if you got the base console versions (like I almost did) oh boy…..hope you got your money back, fam!
Most of my E3 predictions– I think I may have gotten one or two right (See “Things I got Half Right” below) but everything else, like I said, was a pipe dream. I just want more Megaman X…… It’s literally just an edgier version of classic Megaman…it’s not hard to do, Capcom!
My Smash Predictions– Doomguy wasn’t announced. Geno was relegated to a costume. Mario is f–king dead. Smash was a mistake- Sakurai
Nintendo hates the N64, along with everyone else now– Fun Fact: I got an N64 shirt for Christmas. I wore it to a Walmart, and got nothing but dirty looks and someone saying “Seriously?” outloud. That is not a joke- it ACTUALLY happened. Not sure why everyone turned on the N64, but it seems Nintendo has too, only releasing Super Mario 64 in an overpriced collection and nothing else, so no N64 mini or games on the Switch Online service. I knew I should have grew up Playstation….
THINGS I GOT HALF RIGHT
A clock is right at least….wait, I already did this terrible joke. Anyway, there was some stuff, I got right….kinda
Fallout 76 got better…… I think– They added a bunch of stuff, like NPCs and new quests, and new reasons to bully smaller players then you! I actually played a lot of FO76 during the pandemic, and enjoyed it…. until I was greifed…..but that’s a story for another day (REVIEW FORTHCOMING). They also added a terrible subscrtion service that is overpriced and awful, so I guess it two steps forward, and one back…… Also, no offline mode.
Gamestop is going down the tubes– But they are still alive and kicking, somehow. Bankruptcy is only a bad sales quarter or two….. If the company is going to pull something out of their ass, they probably stand up!
Last of Us II wins Game of the Year– But commits character assassination in the process and is considered one of the most poorly written games in recent memory, being hated by many fans of the original. What did I think? Nothing much- I don’t watch movies. ZING!
Turbografx 16 Mini Problems– It came out. It works… but when it first launched, it was scalped almost instantly. Thankfully, the supply met the demand after a couple of months. Also, it has some power supply issues (basically, you can fry the thing if you use the wrong adapter i.e. Rasberry Pi) but it’s launch was fine, for the most part. Still missing Legendary Axe and Keith Courage, so that’s like a 100 points off, in my book.
Now for the big one….
THINGS I GOT RIGHT (SOMEHOW)
A clock is device used to tell time. There, that’s the punchline. I’ll be here all year.
Godfall is a mess– CALLED IT. These “looter” type games need to just die already. Only a few games seem to get it right, so why even bother? There are so many games out there you can play, so why grind your life away for a weapon you’ll use maybe once? For what- nonexistent clout? Like Jim Carrey as Dr. Robotnik in the last movie I saw in a movie theater (remember those?) said- “I don’t think any person in this vicinity has any consideration of your current predicament. Now I am off to find and a destroy a small land mammal who has the ability run very quickly. Good day, sir.” Speaking of Sonic……
The Sonic movie does surprisingly well…you know, for a movie based on a video game– Yeah, it actually did pretty well- so well in fact, that a sequel was greenlit almost immediately. Not sure if we’ll ever see that sequel thanks to the pandemic, but hey, who knows. I hope it gets edgy as f–k and has Shadow kill that one cop guy- would be comedy gold! Also, I was right about the after the credits scene with Tails the Bat/Echidna, my favorite character from Sonic Heroes 2!
Resident Evil 3 isn’t as good as 2– I think a lot of people saw this one coming, it being so close to the 2nd remake. Not sure what was removed from it as I have yet to play it, but it seems like it’s agreed that the game is lackluster compared to the might known as REmake 2….. and speaking of Resident Evil……
Resident Evil 4 remake confirmed in the weirdest way possible– It wasn’t at E3 like I predicted, but there was a huge leak of Capcom related projects. Of those included RE 8 spoilers, the Ghost and Goblin and Ghouls remake, and, you guessed it…… Resident Evil freaking 4! Not sure what or how they’ll do it, but it seems likely……
PS5 and Xbox Series X fail on a whole another level– I said that both would be plagued with issues at launch… but I don’t think anyone saw this coming! Not only were there a myriad of problems with the systems at launch, but scalpers went freaking nuts……Scalpers didn’t just scalp these system- they now own an entire monopoly of them- at least, as far as the PS5 is concerned! There is no way to buy one at MRSP unless you are extremely lucky- everyone else has to pay upwards of $1000 or more to get their hands on one. It’s not even worth it people- Bugsnax can wait! Don’t buy from scalpers you sheep!
I correctly called all the games of the year– I said Last of us II, Final Fantasy VII Remake, and Doom Eternal would be on people’s games of the year lists, and I was right! Poor Cyberpunk 2077…..hope it gets better……
Avengers becomes the Anthem of 2020– Okay, so I’m grasping at straws with this one, saying it’s going to be a disappointment and not playing up how catastrophic it really was going to be, but damn….. Another one of those DAMNED looter type games plastered with Avengers characters. The gameplay or story couldn’t make up for the repetitive grinding and samey looking levels…. I haven’t even played the game, but just looking at it and I can see what the game is like……. Just a marvel themed skinner box. Wonder what’s going to happen to it next year……
That’s about it….. I-
“Hey, what is up with that video… the one about the lady screaming about Pomegrantes?”
“And those redacted statements….What do they all mean?”
I…..I….don’t know what your talking about *nervous chuckle*
“It’s just weird….what are you hiding? I-“
[Rest of this conversation has been redacted by the board for your safety. Please don’t look into it further. For your safety- The Board]
What did you think of my predictions? Was I on the money or what? Comment below! All hail The Board!