Published on November 17, 2020
FOREWORD- “The Return of that one guy who defended both DK64 AND Yooka Laylee”
I awake once more. I look around at my current situation….Nothing has changed, but it seems the world is crashing all around me. With the virus coming back to destroy everything, and political discord at a all time high, I….wait, what’s that noise? Oh god… HE’S BAC-
*Hits evil clone pretending to be me with a shovel*
Hey everybody! It’s been…what, a few months? Yeah, yeah, I know…..
Things have been crazy this last year. That’s why I have spent the last few months doing absolutely nothing in order to escape the most evil of all creatures known to man…. my family!
Indeed, over the last few months, I haven’t done all too much. Been working on my writing, at least…. but not on this blog…. Something about a dystopia and some kid trying to fight an evil god or something (so basically a Final Fantasy fanfic with my own DONUT STEEL characters). Anyway, I digress, time to get back to brass tacks. Want to do more reviews instead of yelling at liberals for ruining everything and then proceeding to yell at conservatives for doing the same. Anyway, on to the actual content!
Who doesn’t love Turok?
“I don’t” – Someone who’s opinion doesn’t matter
*Shoots Cerebral Bore*
“No wait…. that’s….”
Trick question! Everyone loves Turok…well, at least the first two games…. Yeah, I’ll get to that.
For those who don’t know, Turok is a Dinosaur hunting, alien killing, mercenary slaying bad ass Indian dude who uses all sorts of cool weaponry to carry on the mantle of “Son of Stone” or Turok, as most people know him as, as he protects both the Lost Lands and Earth itself from multiple threats, mostly just dinosaurs….WITH LASERS GUNS ATTACHED TO THEM! PEW PEW! EHHHGGGG! BOOM!
Any-hoo, the series is probably best known for it’s N64 games, but also saw releases on the PS2, Xbox, and Gamecube for one entry (I’ll talk about that one some other time…..) and even a reboot on the Xbox 360 and PS3, as well as a bunch of weird handheld ports (again… another time!). However, this event will cover the N64 trilogy, with Rage Wars and the other games being saved for a rainy day.
And don’t worry- I’ll be sure to talk about the absolutely god tier PC ports that were recently put out by Night Dive Studios…. and even talk about those old crusty PC ports as well!
Here’s the lineup for this Event! Links will go up as soon as the reviews go out!
11/17/2020 Turok: Dinosaur Hunter
11/18/2020 Turok 2: Seeds of Evil
And there you have it! I’m back, guys! I actually have other things in store, including, but not limited to…..
- Another THPS Event
- A Tier list of Shovelware on the GBA
- Cheap Switch and Steam game reviews!
- A Resident Evil Event
- A Review of the Retroid Pocket 2 (if that thing ever comes)
- More reviews then you can shake a long stick at! (Long Stick not included)
- A revised Archive Section
- A revised Scoring System
- More Nontroversies!
- And much, much more!*
Now if you would excuse me, I have a mess to clean up. I really should have-
“This is the police. Open up. We heard reports of a Ceberal Bore going off.”
Me: *Looks at the camera with a goofy grin*
*Audience laughs as credits roll*
So what do you think? Should I even bother continuing this guff, or should I just cry in a corner like I have been doing for the last few months? Let me know in the comments- oh, who I’m I kidding!? No one ever comments! Just leave…SCRAM!
*Much much more is likely to change. Void were prohibited. No CODs. Not available in Alaska or Hawaii.