So we made it… well, everyone that matters, anyway (namely me). That’s right! We just survived another decade full of crazy things, most of which I can’t remember because I wasn’t sober for most of it! Anyway, it’s time for me to use my uncanny ability to see into the future! This is what the year of 2020 will have in store!
*Makes weird hand gestures while saying FUTURE! FUTURE! FUTURE! in a weird tone that echoes through time and space*
Godfall will…. well…FALL!- A looter slasher. The first mention of the Playstation 5…. is another f–king looter game. It’s the Anthem of 2020.. calling it now. I know, I’m pessimistic, but has there been- one- just one- looter type game that’s been worth a damn? Only one I can think of was Diablo 2, which is 20 years old. Yeah… Disappointing game of 2020 (and possibly 2021) inbound!
Anthem will get a major release that won’t do anything!- That’s right! Bioware will not have completely given up, and will, in fact, have put out a new expansion for Anthem… that’s standalone. For $60 (or $30 if you own Anthem) It will backfire spectacularly. Anthem will then shut down in the year 2024, with Anthem 2 being announced in 2022. Then, in 2049, cars will have wings.
Ironically, Fallout 76 will get better!– Yep! Bethesda actually makes 76 somewhat playable, with actual NPC’s, a quest line, offline mode, and much more! They are going to No Man’s Sky the hell out of this s–t!
Sonic movie does okay, but Illumination’s Mario is vastly hated– No real surprise here. The Sonic movie does well at the box office. It will have a after credits scene teasing other Sonic characters. Adam from YMS will give it a 3 or 4 out of 10 because of course he will. But like I said… Illumination’s Mario movie will be disliked to oblivion (trailer coming at the end of 2021)
Something bad will happen at SGDQ 2020- Okay, so hear me out. Something’s going to happen at one of the GDQ events. Remember that guy who told people to walk in front of the bus during the Super Metroid speedrun? Well, this time, he’s back…. WITH A VENGEANCE!
Gamestop will declare bankruptcy!– This will not surprise anyone. They’ll close a bunch of stores, and one of the headlines will be about how GS refuses to slash prices even though they are going out of business. A true champion until the bitter end!
Stadia will shut down- Another big surprise… NOT! Stadia will start it’s regular service (the one you don’t need a founder’s pack to use) with various issues. Games will slowly stop coming to it, as Google doesn’t do enough to update it regularly. By the year 2022, Stadia will be no more. Xbox’s Game Pass will become like Netflix, and Sony will try to follow suit. Also, stayed tune- I might try Stadia when the basic package drops later this year! /shameless plug.
Resident Evil 3 will not be as well regarded as REmake 2…. Yeah. Fun Fact: Not everyone liked the RE2 remake (mostly purists who are too busy declaring the 6th gen as “NOT RETRO!” at every given chance) However, REmake 3 will make some baffling changes with it’s more action based focus, removal of bosses and monsters, among other things, like making Nemesis a Trump supporter. “MAGA!”
Both the PS5 and Xbox Series X will launch will all sorts of issues and lackluster libraries!- I mean, come on! We all know it’s coming! Every new console has this problem, I feel. Remember Sony’s sorry launch for the PS4? How about the Xbox One, which had Dead Rising 3 and.. uh….. Forza, I guess? Why is Nintendo the only one good about this? Hey! Don’t bring up the Wii U! DON’T YOU DARE!
Best games of the Year- Cyberpunk 2077, Last of Us II, FF Remake, Doom Eternal. Yeah, I know, I know- pretty obvious and safe choices. Notice how Ghosts of Sushima or whatever is called isn’t on here? Yeah.. that one’s just going to just be OK.
Stinkers: DBZ: Carrot will not be the DBZ you were hoping for. Turbo Graphx Mini will have some issues at launch. Psychonauts 2 sadly won’t live up to the first’s reputation, and Avengers (despite me saying good things about it, like the hypocrite I am) will be a disappointment of the year for sure!
E3 announcements: Metroid Prime 4, Resident Evil 4 remake on next gen, a BUNCH of next gen games at E3, PS5 reveal near or at E3, Dino Crisis remake, X9, F-Zero, Super Mario Odyssey 2 or DLC, 3d World port. Okay, a lot of these are pipe dreams, but a man can dream! A MAN CAN DREAM!
N64 mini announced, sold out in minutes -OR- N64 comes to switch online! Take your pick. Actually kind of want the latter, really. $20 a year for all the Nintendo games I want? Sign me up!
Doomguy gets announced for Smash– Also, Geno is the first announcement for the 2nd batch. You heard it here first!
And that’s about it. There’s other stuff, like a certain alien invasion in [REDACTED. How did the subject find about this?] and Bill Cosby breaking out of prison and bringing Michael Jackson back to life. Yeah, 2020 is going to be one hell of a year!
[Was going to redact previous statement, but it may be clue. I’ll ask his handler about this later]
What are your predictions for this year? Let me know in the comments that only bots seem to use!