Posted on January 2nd, 2019
I’m such a freaking soothesayer that I decided to do it again! What does 2019 bring us? Let me tell you! I swear, I’m legit- like Miss Cleo, or Bernie Madoff- totally legit, and not laundering money that doesn’t exist….. ha ha ha…
Hollywood will never get Video Game Movies right!– The Sonic the Hedgehog movie is going to bomb. HARD. However, the Detective Pikachu movie will do gangbusters. I mean, it’s a live action Pokemon movie! What else do you want? The Monster Hunter movie is another bomb (if it comes out this year). We also might get a teaser for the Illumination Mario film, which will be the 5th most downvoted Youtube video of all time.
Anthem will f@#k up in some shape or form!– Let me ask you a question. How much gameplay have we seen of Destiny 3, ur, I mean Anthem? That’s right- very little! You just KNOW EA/Bioware is going to mess something up! I guarantee it!
Bethesda will try to fix Fallout 76, but ultimately fail– We’ll get things like dedicated servers, offline singleplayer, among other features, but it’ll be too little, too late. However…
E3 2019– Starfield will finally be shown off! It will be an futuristic open-world game ala Fallout or The Elder Scrolls, but in space. Multiple planets, and space combat. Other announcements include F-Zero (yeah, yeah. I know) Metroid Prime 4 will finally get gameplay, and Nintendo surprises everyone with a new 2D style Zelda for the switch! Other misc games include Megaman X9, Splinter Cell, A new Rayman, A new Need for Speed, among much other titles. Also, Activision will remaster Spryo: Enter the Dragonfly, mostly because they’re out of touch idiots. Also, 1034 Battle Royale games.
Both the PS5 and Xbox Two will be revealed- with mixed results!– However, one of the two is going to go all digital and not use discs, causing an outcry. I think you can already guess which system will go this route. They also may have interchangeable parts, much like a PC- causing yet another ruckus.
Games of the Year– Last of Us II, Mortal Kombat 11, Sekiro, The Outer Worlds and Devil May Cry 5 will be the top highlights of the year- Last of Us II taking home most of the awards.
Worst/Most Disappointing of the Year– Sadly, these games won’t meet the hype- Dead or Alive 6, Jump Force, Skull and Bones, Team Sonic Racing, and The Division 2.
Something bad is going to happen to Kingdoms Heart III– Disappointing Ending? Devoid of content? DLC shoehorned in at last minute? Something bad is going to happen. One things for sure- it’ll have a lot of DARKNESS.
Another Tragedy, pinned on video games– Don’t know when, or why, but one thing is for sure- video games will get blamed. Again. For the 20348346th time. Expect to here things about the coward like “he was a hardcore gamer” or “he regularly posted on the 4chans!”. Not predicting what kind of tragedy it will be because even I’m not that f@#ked!
My distant cousin Ninja will be ousted somehow!– That’s right- my last name at birth was Blevins! Coincidence? I think not! Since he refused to give me a small loan of 1 million dollars, I will uncover the unfortunate truth about Ninja….. He is, in fact, two small people in a sophisticated robot who are stream sniping other players using an advanced algorithm featuring the use of advanced satellite cinematography. Whoa. Now that the drugs have cleared and I can give you a realstic, grounded predication, he’ll probably get “metoo’ed” or say the n-word on stream (MRS. OBAMA! GET DOWN!)
And there you have it! If you think this year’s a doozy, wait until 2023…. man, I can’t wait to tell you what’s going to happen that year! Here’s a hint…. ever see the movie End of Evangelion? Yeah….
Am I right, or am I right? What are your predictions this year?