Review: Carnage Racing

Review: Carnage Racing

Let’s look at a game… you can’t play anymore! This is the future we chose!


Year: 2012

Played on: Steam

Also on: iOS, Facebook (Well, it used to be, anyway!)

Developer: Jagex

Publisher: Jagex (I guess?)


“Games that don’t exist”


Date posted: January 24, 2018



Well, this situation was about to come eventually. Today’s subject is a game that for all intents and purposes does not exist anymore, well, in the legal sense. You see, Carnage Racing was a digital only game, meaning that there are no physical copies that exist, to my knowledge, anyway.

I bought the game years ago for a mere 2.50, and now the game’s value has gone up infinitively, well, because you simply cannot buy it! It’s no longer on the Steam storefront, not on Apple’s iOS marketplace, and can no longer be played for free on Facebook- the only real way to get your hands on a copy is to find someone on Steam that has extra copies for trade. Other then that, you pretty much have to pirate it. I have no idea if it will go back on sale, so you might as well do so.

Oh yeah, I forgot to actually talk about the game! Carnage Racing is, shockingly enough, a racing game. I know- let out your surprised gasps now. Anyway, the game has you racing across island themed courses with weapons and such a la Mario Kart, but you can do tricks to fill up a meter that lets you use portals. Yep, it’s as cool as it sounds! But it doesn’t matter- you can’t play it anymore, so why am I even telling you about it?


So the game actually controls pretty well! I can tell because I actually beat the entire game on keyboard. Thats right- there’s an actual racing game that exists that can be played on a keyboard! I was just surprised as you are!

The car selection, while small, has some cool little vehicles, like a not-viper, a not-Shelby cobra, and a not-mustang! Maybe this is why the game was de-listed- the cars looked too much like their real life counterparts! I digress, so I can talk about the cool customization options. Not only can you customize the paint and such, but you can upgrade pretty much everything- speed, acceleration, and even every weapon in the game!

Still more customization than- wait, I already used this joke. Damn it! What am I- SNL?

The main draw, for me anyway, is the game mechanic that lets you got into portals in order to distance yourself from the pack. This was a cool mechanic that I had never really seen before in a game! It’s actually pretty simple- you have a meter that gets charged when you drive fast, hit opponents with weapons, or do tricks. Once the meter is full, you can then drive though these gates that appear to be stone walls. However, once you activate it, it turns into a portal, acting as a sort of short cut that leaves your opponents in the dust! Like I said, this is a great addition that makes this game checking ou- oh wait, you can’t. Never mind…

These portals are the best thing since- Portal? I’m sorry- I’m running on empty writing these lame caption jokes.

The amount of weapons in the game are actually pretty good too. You have missile launchers, mines, flames that come out of your tailpipes, railguns- everything you need to blast your enemies into oblivion! (The state of nothingness. Not that elder scrolls game.) Even cooler is the fact that each weapons can be upgraded twice! After upgrading, you can unleash a volley of missiles or ignite the fires of hell from your tailpipes to do some serious damage! Or you could of, at least, if the game was still available!

Oh, and the game also had a cool trick system. Probably should have mentioned that.


I have three main issues with the game- track variety, completion bonus, and I think the third is pretty obvious.

First off, the tracks. At first, it seems there is a good variety of tracks to play on. Your gonna go though valleys, past beaches, though beached shipwrecks, into tunnels, rocket off jumps, and even drive though a volcano! Your mind will wonder what kind of tracks lie ahead. However, you come to a harrowing realization once you drive thought that volcano for the third time, or past that shipwreck for the fourth. Yep, Carnage Racing suffers from “Ridge Racer” syndrome- every single track in the game is just a snippet of one huge track. This really hurts variety, in my eyes. You soon see the same landmarks over and over again. This game could have really used another theme or two, but as it stands, its just “Racing Island Adventure”. Eh.

Every track in the game is island themed, and reuses the same parts of various tracks over and over again. Gilligan!

Secondly is the payoff for getting all the stars in the game. You see, every track in the game has multiple challenges for you to do to unlock more tracks and cars. There has to be something when you get all these stars, right? Heh heh heh. WRONG! You, once again, get NOTHING! YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!( I would post the clip from Willy Wonka, but I already did once.) You don’t even get a lousy “Congratulations!” The game just sits there, doing nothing. No fanfare. No prize. God, I hate games that don’t give you anything for going the extra mile…

And of course, the final, fatal flaw. You. Cannot. Buy. It. It is impossible to play, without, well, tracking it down on piratebay. Like I said above, this game is impossible to get your hands on. This should serve as a warning. More and more games are going digital, so how many do you think are going to wind up, or have already wound up floating away into the ether the second their de-listed? There have been many games like this- The Simpsons and X-men arcade games, for example, were once available to buy on PSN and Xbox Live, but now their gone. Why? Licensing issues, of course!

I hate to say it, but this is why I’m glad emulators and pirated games exist- if not, hundreds, no, thousands of game would most likely be lost in some shape or form, and it looks like that Carnage Racing is going to be one of those very games. We must secure the future of games by allowing them to be available, even if it’s though an emulator, or downloaded on piratebay. These “lost” games must be preserved for future generations!


Ranting about our digital-only future aside, Carnage Racing game is not too bad. Its tracks are repetitive, and theres no incentive to keep playing after you beat the game (especially since multiplayer is dead), but it can be fun in small doses. If you can find someone on Steam with a few copies, it might be worth trading a few things for (but not that strange TF2 skin worth $100), but other then that, you might as well look for it elsewhere- it doesn’t look like the game is coming back anytime soon.


You can check out which digital games are going to get the axe next at this website I just found!

Agree? Disagree? Good! Leave a comment about how terrible my taste is in the comments below!

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