Another day, another weird ass arcade game that I can’t find any information on. Look into the insanity that is 1990’s Fantasy Land!
Year: 1990 (Maybe?)
Played on: MAME
Developer: Electronic Devices
I have to ask again, for the 439485th time- what the f@#k did I just play?
Date posted: Janurary 3rd, 2018
Ahh, the wonders of playing though MAME’s extensive library of over 4000 games…. Yes, I could go on and on about the weird, wonderful, and strange games available on what I consider one of my favorite emulators of all time, MAME, or Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator.
Sure, most people use MAME to play all those games they never could beat at the arcades as a kid, like X-Men and TMNT. Me? Well, I look for the weirdest s@#t imaginable so I can review it on this blog, mostly because I am insane.
Today’s crazy outing is Fantasy Land, a forgotten platformer where you play as some kid rescuing, you guessed it, a damsel in distress from Lord Palpatine, I’m sure. Oh no, Anita Sarkessian is not going to like this! (Puts quarter in “Anita Sarkessian Reference Jar”)
Just like Hard Head, I can’t prove this game actually exists! Nothing can be found about this game’s developer, Electronic Devices, mostly because the name is generic as get out. No arcade cabinet, no nothing! Where do these weird ass arcade games come from? Maybe God knows- I’ll ask him after I OD on Andes Mints. God, I love those things!
First off, no- this game is not fake! I did not go into Microsoft Paint and make all these screenshots- what purpose what that serve me? The game really does look like some high schooler’s board doodles in Algebra class. I did not make any of what your about to see!
This game has to seen, or played, to believed! On the weirdness scale, from Weird Al Yankovic to David Lynch, it’s a good Christopher Walken. Yeah, I know it doesn’t make any sense- but neither does this game, so it fits.
The game is simple- you shoot and you jump over various obstacles- you know, your atypical platfomer. However, unlike most in it’s genre, the game just throws everything at you, then provides you with insane scenarios- one level your sieging a castle where you fight a f@#king genie. Next thing you know, your on a cruise ship in the arctic, where you fight penguins and what appears to be me on a good day- the game is insane, from start to finish.
I mean, just look what happens to you when you die in this game. God, I hope this image doesn’t get my blog removed….
That’s right- you become nude and fly off to what I presume to be hell, as God himself weeps at what he has just seen.
At least there’s a good varety of levels, even though the order makes no concivable sense!
First, you have a forest waterfall level above, then you have a castle full of freaks-
Then you have a forest that changes to a water level, because f@#k you, that’s why!
Then, as logic would dictake, you end up on the cruise ship I mentioned before, which, of course, turns into an ice level.
Somehow, you then end up in Al Franken’s uh- fun dungeon. We’ll just call it that. Yes, I know I already made an Al Franken joke yesterday, but I’m creatively bankrupt- just like Hollywood!
And finally, you end up in the city that is totally not the one from Double Dragon at all!
So how does one go from a forest, to a castle, to another forest that turns into the sea, to a cruise ship in the arctic, to a dungeon, to the city? I have no clue- I write game reviews, not tragedies!
Of course, there’s a lot of weird, strange, and WTF worthy bosses as well! View this slideshow thing for very unfunny groan worthy captions!
This all concides with one of the most spectacular boss fights in video game history, and by spectacular, I mean lame and repetitive.
And that’s all I have so say about this game! OR IS IT?
As you could probably tell, the game isn’t very good- in fact it’s a buggy unpolished mess! Enemies seem to appear at random, and the hit detection is way off- enjoy that lava platforming section- it’s painful!
At one point, I entered a boss room, and the boss decided not to show up- I don’t blame him, but come on! Thankfully, I saved the game because I’m a savescumming bastard, and the game went on as usual.
I’m glad I saved too, as this game has one of my least favorite mechanics seen in 80’s and 90’s arcade games- the “Instant game over with no ability to continue if you die on this level or last boss” mechanic, most notably used in Sega’s E-Swat arcade game. I will always hate this- so I can continue as many times as I like… until the very last level? Are you kidding me?
Finally there’s the ending. It’s painfully unsatisfying. You save the chick, and the words “THE END” appear on screen. No credits sequence (nobody probably wanted their name on this- thing) or anything- it just lets you put in your initials, then you get kicked back to the title screen. Hooray! Makes that Ghostbusters game on the NES look like poetry.
Fantasy Island is strange travesty that begs to be played- like Hard Head, it has to be seen to be believed! Track down a faulty PCB board of it today from your local crack alley, or just download the ROM from the internet like a normal person. Either way, your in for yet another crazy, terrible, and bizarre adventure! And no- that was not a JoJo reference!
Agree? Disagree? Good! Leave a comment about how terrible my taste is in the comments below!