A detailed history of the Great Monkey Balloon War
Played on: PC
Also on: PSP and DS
Developer: Ninja Kiwi
Publisher: Ninja Kiwi
POP POP WATCHING BLOONS…..WELL, POP
Date posted: November 22, 2017
If you are any thing like me, you hated school. It was and has always been awful. I could go on for days the great injustices I faced therein, and how it all amounted to nothing in the end- just like everything, anymore. Instead, I will tell you how I took solstice in those trying times- flash games, of course!
Tough half of the fricking internet seemed to be blocked, we found way around, wayback in Middle and High school. Here, we would play all sorts of games, but most predominant was that of the Bloons series of games. Most popular of them all was the mighty Bloons Tower Defense- a series of games where you place monkey fellas on a map to pop invading bloons, for whatever reason.
There have been many games in the series so far, and there’s even talks of TD6 coming next year- this is surprisingly a somewhat well known and big series, you know, for a flash game in all.
Today, I will look at the humble BTD 3, and talk about why the series is so well loved, and why watching monkey’s pop balloons is more fun then a barrel full of- a barrel full of…. damn, I can’t think of the expression right now- I’m too focused on these damned monkeys!
BTD 3 is a simple but fun take on the classic tower defense genre. You place a good variety of different units on the playing field, and press go. Then, different kinds of balloons just come forth, and your team of monkeys need to destroy them all, for whatever reason. I liked to think that they were going to invade the monkey city, and kill the populace in horrifying balloon related ways. Maybe they would smother poor monkey children to death by the hundreds- or inflated the monkeys like balloons until they exploded- monkey guts painting the town red, while the bloons laughed manically. Yeah, my therapist has a lot to answer for.
But it doesn’t matter- what matters is those damn balloons are popped! You have quite the arsenal- your standard dart-chunking monkeys, a pink-nail throwing machine, A F@#KING CANNON- just some of the many great units in the game. Of course, the one unit you want is the super monkey- who throws tacks like a madmen, and can be upgraded to go all Cyclops from the X-men on their latex asses.
Man, with the mention of inflated monkeys and the term “latex asses”, there sure is a lot of fetish s@#t in this review! I should go see my therapist…
Speaking of fetishes, there are a lot of different balloons here- you have standard colored balloons, some taking more then one hit to pop. Then you have small black balloons that can’t be popped by explosions, and lead balloons that can’t be popped by sharp objects. Of course, the most dangerous are the ceramic balloons, which contain rainbow balloons, which have a bunch a balloons as well. Then you have the MOAB- the mother of all balloons- which has four ceramic balloons in them. You have to plan carefully, or your ass is grass (which is also a fetish, probably)!
The game can get really frantic really fast- as soon as you know it, hundreds of balloons of all colors are just racing down the track. You have to think all your toes, because as soon as you know it, your dead, just like my hopes and dreams! There is a surprising amount of strategy here- where you place your units really matters! Do you place a bunch of cannons at the start to combat metal bloons? Do you put units at the end of the track to destroy rogues? You have to think about it- you only have so much money you can spend to optimize your monkey army!
The best part of all? Its absolutely free- you just have to watch an ad to play it! Here’s a link!
Click Here to Play Bloons Tower Defense 3!
In comparison to TD 4 and 5, TD 3 can be a bit lacking- but that’s understandable, seeing as both are direct sequels to TD 3. Funnily enough, I think TD3 is actually harder then TD 4 and 5, mostly because you have much less units to work with, and the game just gets harder and harder as it goes on, with a lot of bad difficulty spikes here and there.
It also may a bit simple for most, but would did you expect? Its a flash game- don’t go in expecting Sid Meir levels of strategy, or your gonna have a bad time!
Also, there is no music. Have no idea why. Not a total deal breaker, but its weird being so silent- just the sound of bloons popping and such.
BTD 3 is a classic flash game I always played to pass the time in my horrifying days of middle and high school. If your looking for a quick lunchbreak game, then these fit the bill perfectly. BTD 3 may not have a lot of the features of BTD 4 and 5, but its still a fun little way to pass the time.
Now if you can excuse me, I’m going to talk to my therapist about how to get rid of this inflatable latex monkey grass metal blade fetish.
Agree? Disagree? Good! Leave a comment about how terrible my taste is in the comments below!