A HITN review. Is this port of one of the greatest games of all time really as bad as the fans let on?============================================================================
Year: 2004
Played on: DS on a 3DS
Developer: Nintendo EAD
Publisher: Nintendo
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Ow! My thumb!
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Date posted: November 11, 2017
A
REVIEW
PREMISE
What to say about Super Mario 64, other than it STINKS! It never does what its told- all it does is sit around in the house all day, on his stupid blog that no one reads! Oh wait. That’s me….
No, Super Mario 64 is a classic! I feel like I shouldn’t even be saying anything- Everyone knows what it is and legendary it is! It’s like Citizen Kane- if Citizen Kane went jumping around like a mad man going “Yahoo!” and jumping on people heads. You could probably write several essays about how good Mario 64 is, or be like that one guy on youtube and use SM64 to travel to parallel universes. Crazy stuff!
Then, in 2004, Nintendo unveils a new system- one that has two screen- one that you can touch! Wow! What are you going to put on this new system. Well, don’t sit down, your gonna stand up when you find out they are releasing one of the greatest games of all time on the system, with brand new features! More playable characters! New Bosses! 30 new stars! New mini-levels! Mini-games that use the touchscreen!
What could possibly go wrong?
Actually, not much. I was just trying to be dramatic and quote Bubsy at the same time.
PROS
Before I go on and tell you why the fans decided to take a dump on what’s actually a pretty decent port, I might as well tell the good things about it. Off the bat, you have 3 new playable characters- Yoshi, Luigi, and Wario. Each have their own powers and abilities. For example, Yoshi can put on different hats belonging to the other characters, turning into them. Luigi has this cool spin jump. Wario does a thing! Its all good!
All the classic objectives from SM64 are here! That floating island and King Bom-omb in Bomb-omb battlefield. Dropping that baby penguin off the ledge in that one snow level. Going into the different bowser’s world and kicking his ass. Its all here!
On top of the 120 original stars from SM64, you have 30 new ones. These include star switches that make a star appear for a short time, collecting silver stars, catching those damn rabbits, and collecting red coins in the new boss levels. That’s right- there are some new levels here! Just don’t expect fully-fledged ones- there mini-levels, more then anything. However, they do add some new content, and really shake things up a bit.
There is also a diverse library of different minigames that use the touchscreen, and there actually quite fun! I absolutely love the poker game, and find myself popping this game in just to play some mario-themed poker.
Its a souped up version of Mario 64 that you can take anywhere! How could anyone hate this?
CONS
Here is how most people react when playing SM64 DS. “Hey! This is pretty good! Lets just move around using the d-pad and- AHHHHHHEGHGHGR!” (Thumb snaps in two). The overall #1 complaint across the board is the games controls. You see, your going from a game that used an analog stick to just a d-pad, and well, it is going to get some getting used to. You could also use the touchscreen to move around, but it is incredibly awkward and clumsy. The 3ds thumbstick makes the experience less painful, but does not fix it completely. I, myself seemed to not mind it as much on my first 100% play though, but playing on a DS-lite or DSi was painful, as the d-pad on those systems, frankly, suck!
I would say that was the only flaw, but of course, a lot of fanboys were pissed- they changed the art style! “Why does Bowser look different!” You could hear them cry out. “They ruined it! RUINED IT!!!” I have seen fanboys absolutely destroy this game simply because they updated the looks to some of the enemies and such. The thing is that it looks great in my opinion- in fact, its one of the better looking games on the system- and its a freaking launch title! Just goes to show how picky fanboys could be, but just you wait until I review another HITN game…
And that’s really it. Controls that hurt, but you can get used to and that they changed the look of things a bit. That is all it takes to set off a fanbase.
I’m just going to say it right here, right now. I am a self-hating Nintendo fan. I love their games, but there fans need to get a f@#$ing grip. I’ve seen them b@#ch that you couldn’t fully explore peach’s castle in Super Mario Odyssey. That’s right- they expected the ENTIRETY of Super Mario 64 in game that 800 different f@#king moons. This is the level of entitlement were dealing with here, people- delusional babies who scream at the faintest hint that their precious game are not 100% perfect.Oh, hate those goodie goodies! How they make my stomach churn! Sorry for the rant, but how I felt about Nintendo fanboys needed to be stated! I’ll have more to say about them in future reviews…
FINAL VERDICT
Despite it’s controls, SM64DS is NOT a bad port, even though many a Nintendo fan will tell you otherwise. Sure, a analog stick is better, but theres no denying that the new content and features make it all-around fun time, especially on the go. As for the new changes in graphics, who cares? It’s still SM64 at it’s heart- just because bowser now looks like he supposed to doesn’t mean it’s ruined. “But…but they gave nessie goggles! My childhood is ruined!” Just….just shut up.
Agree? Disagree? Good! Leave a comment about how terrible my taste is in the comments below!
Gamer's Edge 