I have done it…. The greatest game ever made is now mine! All mine!
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Year: 2017
Played on: PC via Oasis
Also on: Virtual Boy, PS1, Wonderswan, ATM machines, Texas Instruments Calculators
Developer: Kate Barrett
Publisher: Steven Spielberg
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The Greatest Game of All Time?
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Date posted: November 4, 2017
NOTE: BLOGGER MAY HAVE WRITTEN THIS REVIEW WHILE ON DRUGS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
PREMISE
Stolen from the house of Steven Spielberg, its finally here. An early copy of Ready Player One: The official game of the movie. The people I had to kill to get this is unmeasurable, but ultimately worth it! I can’t believe I got my hands on it…
I popped the game into my PC and was completely and utterly blown away by the games amazing graphics. Wait, what I’m doing? This is supposed to be in the PROS section. Sorry, I’m so excited, I’m shaking!
Oh, I guess I should tell you what the game is about. You play as Zachary Knoxville Touchdown in his own story instead of the one guy from the book. He must embark on a quest into Oasis, a VR game that has everything in it. EVERYTHING! He has to find pages belonging to Ernest Clean, the greatest gamer of all time, after that one guy who beat Pac-Man. There, now I can tell you how good this game is!
PROS
When you first step into Oasis, I literally could not breath. A single tear dropped as I saw what was in front of me. I’ll post images, but I don’t think they’ll do the game justice- you have to play it in order to take in all its grandeur.
I was spellbound. I could not talk. I almost went blind! Then I walked around. I almost threw up because how realistic the game felt… It was astounding. I went around, and almost had a heart attack- You could TALK to the other characters. I, to this day, could not believe it. No other game I played had this feature. Amazing. Simply amazing….
I also learned how this game works. There is a ranking system, and the more points you get, the more you’ll rank up. Astounding- I can’t think of any other game that has a feature like this. So I entered the first world.
I was there…. I was in star wars! I could not believe my eyes, as they welled up with tears. There they were- stormtroopers, Master chief, a minion from Despicable me- it was a beautiful sight. Wil Wheaton’s face covered the walls, and filled me with great joy. I grabbed a lightsaber, and fought against Darth Mall- and it felt real! It WAS real! I still can’t believe it!
What other adventures lie ahead? I asked myself. I went into another gate and passed out. When I came to, I was in a magnificent city- one where cartoon characters were in some sort of race. Heroes from comics and movies could be seen in the streets- iron man, a ninja turtle, Goku- were some of the familiar faces in the crowd. Then I saw a bike from tron. My heart simply exploded when I began to drive it.
Another racer challenged me to a race, and to my surprise, Guns and roses started playing. I literally cried for hours after this happened- how did the game know I liked guns and roses? Did god make this game? I’m sure he did!
My adventure continued, and I didn’t want it to stop! Now I was in a hacker’s paradise- every game you could want was here- Double Dragon, Street fighter- and movies from MST3K and animes played endlessly on huge screens. I vomited, cried, and s#@t myself simultaneously- I could live here If I wanted! It was heaven…
I thought my journey was coming to an end, but then it happened. The mother of all battles would take place. Normandy? The Korean War? Vietnam? Mere playground scuffles compared to what about to take place. I piloted a f@#$ing Optimus Prime against a god-damn Godzilla. My eyes exploded out of there sockets as my pancreas burst. It is the greatest thing I ever seen.
I won’t spoil the ending. All I’ll say is that it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. There are times where I burst into treats ever time I think about how beautiful it is… It is simply breathtaking….
The best part of this game? I leaked it online! Give all credit to Kate Barrett- she’s the one that helped me get this game! Come at me, Spielberg!
Heres the link- use it wisely!
Ready Player One- The Official Game Download
CONS
There are none. This is the perfect game. There, I said it!
FINAL VERDICT
Ready Player One is the greatest game of all time. This cannot be contested. This cannot be refuted. If you think otherwise, you are not only a gamer, you are not a human being. Exile yourself to New Jersey if you disagree with me, because that means you are a pleb. In the future, there will be entire books written about how great this game is.
NOTE: THIS WAS A REVIEW FOR “READY PLAYER F@#K”. HOWEVER, THIS BLOGGER IS AN IDIOT AND ACTUAL THOUGHT THIS WAS THE OFFICIAL GAME BASED OFF THE BOOK AND UPCOMING MOVIE! WHAT A MAROON!
THIS REVIEW MAY OR MAY HAVE NOT BEEN SATIRICAL
Agree? Disagree? Good! Leave a comment about how terrible my taste is in the comments below!
Gamer's Edge 